It has been quite late. I should have called him by now. But why didn't I ? The unwanted feeling has overtaken my mind. Should I tell him? But how and why did anything happen?
Gathering all the courage in the world. I called him. Somehow for the first time I felt that he shouldn't pick up.
I called. Five rings and he hasn't picked up yet. I could feel the lump in my throat. I decided to not call again and closed my eyes.
Just then, my phone rings
'the silence isn't so bad till I look at my hands and it feels that the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly'
The song he first sang to me. It had been my ringtone ever-since that day.
'Hi baby. M so sorry. I Was stuck somewhere'
'It's okay. I wasn't expecting a call back'
'How could I not. You are the one person I can't think of ending my day without'
But I had to tell him anyway.
'Ayan? Karan proposed me today and I said him yes'
He wasn't going to speak. And I knew that.
'You are kidding right? But what went wrong baby ? I thought we were perfect together.'
I knew the heaviness in his voice..
'I know we are perfect baby. But I don't think am strong enough to continue a long distance relationship. But I still want you in my life and this is the worst thing I can ask u for. I don't wanna cheat you. Nor do I wanna stop talking to you. You are that one stable thing in my life which keeps me going'
I understood his silences too well. He didn't say anything. But I could hear him sob. N I too couldn't control. We both cried.
'You are the one magic that happened to me in the most unexpected and most beautiful way. Shreya, you will always be the most important woman in my life. Can we talk to each other every day ?. You are a difficult habit after all' he tried to rejoice me.
'Thanx for understanding me. I will call u tomorrow. Sorry I am sleepy.'
'Yeah I know how you are after crying your heart out. Sleep well. Gn'
Yeah he had been there to help me sleep after all those weeping conversations I had with him. He was a friend, a mentor and a very important person in my life.
And that night is still marked in my heart. 11th April, 2012.
It had to be. It was a beginning of something unexpected and end of something beautiful but impractical.
No I hadn't called him the next day. Or the day later. It had been weeks. I knew he was waiting. And he could wait. I knew I was wrong. But for me being wrong was better than being disloyal.
